IMPORTANT FTA COVID-19 UPDATE - May 4th, 2020
FTA Safety Guidelines (Effective May 4th, 2020):
Salutations. Although we have not communicated our updated plans until this point, we have been actively monitoring the situation and would like to fill you in on our current policies, and what we have been up to at Full Throttle Analytics to assist in this pandemic.
Technically we do not staff any "Medical" Doctors, or anyone learned in advanced "Science", but that has not stopped the great team at FTA in assisting in our own way with trying to find the cure. So far, our experiments have not produced the expected results of eradicating this virus but I would like to share what we have ruled out:
1.) Drinking nothing but water from the beautiful and scenic Merrimack River has only caused some "mild" intestinal discomfort.
2.) Trying to harness the suns energy via a series of mirrors and magnifying glass and focusing it on the skin for hours at a time produced a very slight skin tenderness.
3.) Consuming an all Cheetos diet has been inconclusive.
4.) Contrary to popular belief, covering ones body in dirt does not activate a barrier that the virus can not penetrate.
This has not deterred us, or dampened our spirits, for we are always looking forward at Full Throttle Analytics and our positive mindset does not allow us to look back and dwell on any "failings". That being said our previous message that is below is still in effect. On top of this we have named Russ as our COVID Czar. Part of the responsibilities of the COVID Czar includes, but is not limited to: Chief Temperature Taker, Primary Test Subject, and Community Outreach Commissioner (primary mission to interview all members of the community in one-on-one or in group settings).
Thank you Russ for your selflessness and for volunteering to help end this pandemic any way you can.
Original Message (March, 2020):
I would like to begin by saying that we are committed to the safety and well-being of the entirety of the Full Throttle Analytics team (yes, even that one person that everyone knows that I am talking about). I would like to share some of the steps that have been implemented to ensure the health of first and foremost our Company, and then if there is time and a desire by management, everyone who is enjoying the FTA life experience:
1.) We have reduced the number of people allowed at a time in our pristine HQ at Toilet / Shower by 17%. This is being accomplished by allowing the single life experiencer designated per day to work from home. This individual is mandated to work an additional 4 hours per shift to make up for the lack of productivity and to ensure that we are providing the needed commitment to the real heroes, our customers.
2.) Every half-hour we are spraying down the loose foam flooring with a mixture of bleach, lysol, tobasco, and a splash of denatured alcohol to "sanitize" the work area.
3.) Every 15 minutes that same spray will be applied to the members of FTA who are in the offices hands and work area.
4.) The number of FTA provided family style finger food meals has been greatly reduced to once per day and for the first time, plates, napkins, and utensils will also be provided.
5.) Although we typically discourage anyone with a fever, or signs of a sickness, from taking a personal day, as it is our belief that by experiencing any illness as a group makes the collective stronger, we are now going to request that anyone with a fever of greater than 103 degrees to stay away from the Toilet / Shower, for no more than 48 hours. The expectation will be that said person will be required to make up the time that is missed.
Stay safe and know that the Full Throttle Analytics family is here and willing to put in some effort during this pandemic.
As always, if you need to get in touch with a member of the team, you can reach us 24/7 by phone at (978) 225-0767 or via chat at https://chat.fullthrottleanalytics.com .
Thank you,
Nick,
Director of Cloud Technology / Assistant to the Regional Manager - Manchester / Junior Sanitation Engineer